Since the first man uttered the very first words from his lips, mankind has been using language to not only communicate, but to entertain, and few wordsmiths have been as brilliant at it than former Austin resident William Syndey Porter, better known throughout the literary world as O. Henry. Few men could ever purse together a series of words with such dubious double meanings, or warp phrases with cunning into such whimsical machinations of comical disguise. All that on top of his ability to write outstanding short stories. If you've never made it to the O Henry Museum's Annual Pun-Off in Austin, then you've missed some great puns - like the ones listed below - and more. Have some fun with these! A scientist, trying to prove his theorem, was doing a large experiment with liquid chemicals when he fell into the vat and became part of the solution. Does the minister's cow produce pastorized milk? What do you call a guy who falls in a hole? Phil PUNS FOR THE HOLIDAYS: In a bridal boutique: "Marry Christmas." Outside a church: "The Original Christmas Club." At a department store: "Big pre-Christmas sale. Come in and mangle with the crowd." In A Texas jewelry store: "Diamond tiaras -- $70,000. Three for $200,000. From a reducing salon: "24 Shaping Days until Christmas." MORE PUNS: "7 days without pizza makes one weak." At an Optometrist's Office: "If you don't see what you 're looking for, you've come to the right place." In the front yard of a Funeral Home: "Drive carefully. We'll wait." Every calendar's days are numbered. Ratio of an igloo's circumference to its diameter = Eskimo Pi Weight an evangelist carries with God = 1 billygram 2.4 statute miles of intravenous surgical tubing at Yale University Hospital = 1 IV League. Eyedropper: A clumsy ophthalmologist. Parasites: What you see from the top of the Eiffel Tower Match makers like to strike up a light conversation. A lot of money is tainted. It taint yours and it taint mine. A vulture boards an airplane, carrying two dead raccoons. The stewardess looks at him and says, "I'm sorry, sir, only one carrion allowed per passenger." A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Ahmal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, "They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal." There was the person who sent ten different puns to various people, with the hope that at least one of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did. Two hydrogen atoms meet. One says "I've lost my electron." The other says "Are you sure?" The first replies "Yes, I'm positive." A small boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital. When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said ‘No change yet’. Show me a piano falling down a mineshaft and I’ll show you A-flat minor. It is better to have loved a short person and lost than never to have loved a tall. Charles Dickens was despondent in a Paris bar, telling the bartender "It is the worst of times, for I am without an idea for a new work. Let me partake of a vodka martini," to which the bartender responded "Olive or twist?" “We must hang together, or assuredly we shall all hang separately.” (Benjamin Franklin) “Time wounds all heels.” Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him. (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good. . .) A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.